| Have you ever wondered why life seems so hard? Have you ever asked yourself why me? What have I done to deserve this? Drawn the conclusion that you must have been bad in this life or past ones, to face all the pain and heartache that always appears to come your way. Then to rub salt in the wounds, doesn’t it always seem as though it only your life that seems to be in this state? Sometimes we need to look at life differently. We need to see it, not as a punishment for something we think we have done, but rather as a challenge. A series of opportunities that are given to us to help the soul to grow and for us to develop understanding in different fields and areas. Sometimes it appears as if we are facing the same or similar opportunities over and over again. This is not a punishment, but life merely giving us another bite at the cherry. We may not have fully grasped the lesson the first time round, so it is brought back to us. Sometimes it comes back several times, until we have fully understood it. Let me give you an example. For most of her life Marie had put others before her. She had difficulty in saying no to people and often found herself doing things she didn’t really enjoy, to please others. She played bingo once a month to keep her mother company, she didn’t like it, but her mother did. She went to darts with her husband once a week, again she didn’t like it but it kept the peace and so it went on. She found herself joining a night class to keep Claire company. At a trim size 12 was a member of weight watchers to help out a neighbour. The list was endless. She constantly found herself being asked to do things she either couldn’t stand or didn’t want to do. It lasted years. Then slowly she began to deal with this.At first making excuses as to why she couldn’t go, something she had never done.Until the point where she actually managed to say no, the thought of bowel irrigation was too much.Faltering she managed an outright no.Her friend never batted an eye lid and within 20 minutes she had another friend signed up to the scheme, eager and keen as she was. Something she had always wanted to try, but never got round to it. It turned out her mother wasn’t really that keen on bingo herself, she had only been going to keep Marie company. Suddenly the requests to partake in bizarre and boring ventures began to dry up. Why because Marie had finally faced up to it. She became strong enough in herself to decide she couldn’t and didn’t want to continue to do all these activities to please other people. So she had gained strength. She had also gained a sense of what mattered to her and want didn’t. At the same time she developed the necessary skills to be able to gently say no, yet without causing offence to others. No doubt life would have continued to have presented more and more opportunities. Not to punish her, but merely to give her the chance to determine what she wanted out of life and the means to achieve this sensitively. The lesson learnt the experiences dried up. Leaving space for others and different type of experience to take place. Throughout life we will face a series of different experiences, some happy and pleasant, some sad and some downright tragic that will take us to the edge of pain. Yet life only dishes out want we are able to cope with and it is not all pain and sadness, just some. So next time you are faced with a dilemma, try not to see it as a punishment. Try to see it as a development opportunity and remember that help from the other side is always on hand and all you have to do is remember to ask and help will be sent. It may not be in the way you intended and it may not change your experience, but at least you will know someone cares and is trying to help you.
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